if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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