I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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