yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
