Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
