i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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