I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
