so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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