I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
