she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
