he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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