you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
