if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
