I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
