new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
