I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
