I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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