I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
