i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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