Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When are your genitals available?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
