In the future we'll all be gay
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
