Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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