Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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