White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
