remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
