i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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