I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
