Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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