I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
