he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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