ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
