Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
