I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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