Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
