I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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