he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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