she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
