The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
