I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
