Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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