Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
