He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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