I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
