After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
