I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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