I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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