everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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