he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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