3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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