so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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