i permit you to call me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
