She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
