Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
